Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
