She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
