Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
no, he came in my armpit
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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