I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
