I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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