id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
