absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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