ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
