the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
