we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
