He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
