you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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