I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We left the knife in your bed.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
