Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
