its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
