The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
