CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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