8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
