i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
