I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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