if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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