i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
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