My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
