U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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