His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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