AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You ruined the universe
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
