I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
