I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
