new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
