making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
