my mouth tastes like poor choices
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
