she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
