Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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