i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
