Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
