Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
