don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
