I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
