In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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