Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
