I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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