Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
