I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
