Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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