He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
