He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
