I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
