party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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