These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
