Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
