i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
