My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
