Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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